Contributor, Laura Brown of Intuitive Alchemy, is back and this month she is addressing worth:how and when it is developed, how it makes us feel and how expanding it can benefit the quality of your life.
Worth. We all claim to have it and so few of us really know what worth looks like. Many of us are quite good at performative worth. Fancy handbag? Check. Massage and hair appointments with the best of the best? Check and check. The latest on-trend fitness membership? Of course, we’ve got it!
But if we look beneath the surface what we often find is quite different. We find feelings of inadequacy and deep insecurity.
Look even closer to the surface and what we find are decisions made that reflect anything but high self-worth.
It’s a sneaky game of smoke and mirrors that we all play with the world and with ourselves.
And it’s ok because let's face it, admitting we have low self-worth feels about as great as noticing our favorite jeans are a smidge tighter in the waist. And luckily for us, both are by and large within our control to change. Worth is a major component to the Integrative Manifestation process and this is because manifesting is the art of expanded worth.
So what is worth?
According to Dictionary.com worth is defined as:
- Good or important enough to justify (what is specified).
- Having a value of, or equal in value to, as in money.
For the sake of the Integrative Manifesting process, we will also include our sense of havingness and deservingness in our level of worth.
How is worth created?
Worth is developed primarily during the ages of 1-14. This means that the modeling of our parents/caretakers and peers, as well as the experiences we encountered during this formative time, are the foundation for our sense of self-worth.
We should note that it is often thought that low self-worth is a blanketed experience, meaning we have it across the board of our lives. While this can certainly be the case for some, its more common that we have low self-worth in certain areas and a higher sense of self-worth in others.
Knowing where we are lacking self-worth is a key component to manifesting consistently. If we want to expand our havingness in some area of our life we have to proportionately expand our level of worth in this space.
What is the current level of worth?
First, take a look at your life. There will be pockets of life that feel full and abundant and others that feel less so. Each sector, regardless of whether it feels full or not, is a mirror for the level of worth in that area.
Since we can only draw and accept to us that which we feel we’re worthy of, in areas of life where we feel unsatisfied or where we struggle to manifest change, we know our sense of worth is lacking in some way.
Next, let's take a look at the choices being made. When I was starting my manifesting journey-specifically looking to manifest prosperity, my decisions revealed I was severely lacking in self-worth.
Aran Goyoaga on Cultivating Love in the Kitchen + Meringue Cake with Roasted Apples From Cannelle et Vanille Bakes Simple
"Set a humble table and eat beautiful simple food. Nothing has to be fancy. When you make yourself comfortable, your guests will feel comfortable."
I would spend money faster than I could make it and usually on useless crap that I didn't really need. I would give money away with no regard for whether I could afford it (and while noble it certainly didn't go far in helping me find security in my relationship with prosperity). I had little to no savings but would gleefully pull out my card to pay the dinner tab for my friends. And there were even times that I had to borrow money from my family, not because I didn't have money coming in, but because the choices I made with the money I had were not sound. I didn't have enough to cover what I needed despite having more than enough for what I wanted.
In short, it was clear that the choices I made with my money reflected a lack of worth and a sense of deservingness around both having and holding onto my money.
When we have high self-worth the choices we make reflect this and therefore it's easy to expand and grow from a place of stability. Whereas when our relationship with self-worth is low we find we struggle more often in these spaces.
How can we expand worth?
Worth, like anything in this experience, is a practice whereby we expand slowly the channels of its essence in our life. Frustratingly, there is no quick fix but awareness first and foremost that there are pockets of low-self worth messing with your manifesting mojo is a very important step that can do wonders for increasing the flow of worth to these spaces. Without awareness we cannot possibly influence change, therefore beginning to examine where low-self worth is at play in our lives is the most important step.
Here are a few more things you can do to begin to build greater self-worth.
- Do things you are good at. Though self-worth is so much more than a transactional endeavor the truth is we feel good when we do something and do it well. It builds confidence. Therefore the more that we do the things we are good at and work to get better at those things we are so-so at, the more we will feel good and see ourselves as capable and worthy.
- Begin putting down a foundation for how you will go after those things that you may not feel super confident in your ability. Effort plays a major role in our self-worth and even if we do not come out of the gate the strongest at something, the effort we put in goes a very long way towards increasing our sense of self-worth.
- Begin to root out the not so healthy beliefs you have about yourself including those that were modeled by your parents/caretakers’ and peers.
- Begin a practice in self-acceptance. Are any of us perfect? Absolutely not and nor will we ever be. Worth is not determined by transactions entirely. In fact, the deepest self-worth comes from knowing that we do not need to be more or less of anything in order to be worthy.
- Look into reparenting exercises to begin to heal the wounds created by parents and caretakers and shift the energy and beliefs around these experiences. Reparenting is a psychotherapeutic technique that was developed by Jaqui Lee Schiff in the 1960’s that has proven timeless in shifting unhealthy modeled behavior.
- A lot of what we have established a sense of worth around is based on modeling when we were younger and conditioning by our society and culture. We can expand our sense of self-worth by defining what worth means to us. What makes you worthy? What is not a benchmark of your worth? What does success look like to you? What does it feel like to you?
I believe very strongly in a process called Intensive Journaling for unlocking the subconscious and helping to alchemize the energy around certain experiences. These are questions I often have my client's write on when we are working on worth in the Integrative Manifesting process.
Questions to journal
- How often did I receive praise as a child?
- Was praise primarily transactional (meaning you had to do something in order to receive it)?
- How did your parents talk about themselves?
- Were you subjected to emotional, mental or physical abuse?
- Were you bullied as a child and for what?
- What are the beliefs you have about yourself based on that bullying/abuse?
- How did you overcompensate for the abuse/bullying to feel more worthy?
- What is the narrative you speak about yourself?
- Is your inner dialogue positive and affirming or do you often cut yourself down?
- Do you attract relationships (of all varieties) with people who treat you well or who leave you feeling inadequate?
- How did the way that your parents spoke of and perceived themselves impact the way in which you see yourself?
By expanding your sense of self-worth in any area where you feel dissatisfied you expand what you are capable of manifesting. This is where “feeling it to see it” is crucial because when you build a genuine feeling of self-worth, you will begin to see the life mirrored around you shift in unimaginable ways. It's not a quick fix and the process takes time, but it moves with you as you navigate this process. This lets us see results with each step we take.
In the next installment, we will explore the ways in which our beliefs shape our capacity to manifest the life we desire.
Interested in seeing this process at work in your life? Set up a consultation to speak with me about my Integrative Manifesting mentorship.